Joyful
Birth
The most practical
help a spouse or other support person can give in labour is to be with the
birthing woman to fulfill her needs as they arise. That may mean anything from
fetching things for her to rubbing her back during contractions to simply
holding her hand. Patience, understanding and kindness are the keys. She will
usually tell you what she needs; your job is to be focused on her and ready and
willing to do as she asks, and sometimes to anticipate what she may want –
anticipate, but never assume.
Your biggest job will be helping her with pain management. Help her to stay focused on her breathing and on the actions of the muscles involved, or simply be quiet during contractions and don’t distract her so that she can focus on her task. She will probably appreciate something on her lower back to help ease the pain – be sure to ask her about it. Hot packs can help, as can cold packs. I found massage to be most helpful, but always use a massage oil or something to help avoid rubbing her back red raw if you are rubbing bare skin.
Between contractions it may be best to keep things light-hearted and help her to relax to keep up her strength for what is to come. She will probably need to go the toilet fairly frequently, so be available to help her with that if she needs help. Also, have plenty of water and fresh fruit on hand to keep her hydrated and nourished throughout labour.
Your biggest job will be helping her with pain management. Help her to stay focused on her breathing and on the actions of the muscles involved, or simply be quiet during contractions and don’t distract her so that she can focus on her task. She will probably appreciate something on her lower back to help ease the pain – be sure to ask her about it. Hot packs can help, as can cold packs. I found massage to be most helpful, but always use a massage oil or something to help avoid rubbing her back red raw if you are rubbing bare skin.
Between contractions it may be best to keep things light-hearted and help her to relax to keep up her strength for what is to come. She will probably need to go the toilet fairly frequently, so be available to help her with that if she needs help. Also, have plenty of water and fresh fruit on hand to keep her hydrated and nourished throughout labour.
The birthing woman
may wish to lean on you or use you for support. This can be a great way for you
to support her physically and give her emotional support – your physical
closeness can be very reassuring her, even when you are silent.
If the woman feels overwhelmed or tired when the labour becomes very intense and begins saying things like, “I want it to be over”, and “I don’t care if they have to cut it out, just get that baby out!” reassure her that she is very near the end: If she’s feeling that way chances are very good that she is in fact very near the end. It may be helpful for her if you say that to her. She may appreciate hearing those words.
You could perhaps consider whether she is in a good position to allow the baby an unhindered passage out. Is she upright? Is she working with gravity, or against it? Help her into a better position if that seems like it would be helpful, and if she feels is able to move. If she indicates that she does not want to move or is not able, then simply continue to support her as you see fit and as she desires.
Help her focus on her breathing and resting between contractions, and assure her that she’s doing well and it will be over soon.
Lastly, you need to remember to look after yourself. If you are tired or hungry or feeling out of sorts you will not be of much help. Rest when you can. In particular, be sure that when labour begins you rest as much as possible so you will be alert later on when you are needed. Eat well, drink plenty of water and guard your emotions. If you are impatient or uptight or cross, the mother will be affected by that and it will make the birth harder for her. Stay calm and keep the mood positive.
If the woman feels overwhelmed or tired when the labour becomes very intense and begins saying things like, “I want it to be over”, and “I don’t care if they have to cut it out, just get that baby out!” reassure her that she is very near the end: If she’s feeling that way chances are very good that she is in fact very near the end. It may be helpful for her if you say that to her. She may appreciate hearing those words.
You could perhaps consider whether she is in a good position to allow the baby an unhindered passage out. Is she upright? Is she working with gravity, or against it? Help her into a better position if that seems like it would be helpful, and if she feels is able to move. If she indicates that she does not want to move or is not able, then simply continue to support her as you see fit and as she desires.
Help her focus on her breathing and resting between contractions, and assure her that she’s doing well and it will be over soon.
Lastly, you need to remember to look after yourself. If you are tired or hungry or feeling out of sorts you will not be of much help. Rest when you can. In particular, be sure that when labour begins you rest as much as possible so you will be alert later on when you are needed. Eat well, drink plenty of water and guard your emotions. If you are impatient or uptight or cross, the mother will be affected by that and it will make the birth harder for her. Stay calm and keep the mood positive.
The
Support Person
Joyful
Birth
