Joyful
Birth
Childbirth can and
should be a great experience!
Pregnant women, I am writing to give you hope, and to empower you! Childbirth can be a great experience. Believe that! It will be painful to some degree, but it does not have to be scary or unbearable. It can be an empowering, joyful, exciting, even ecstatic experience, a great time of bonding with your husband and others you choose to have present, and a wonderful, gentle way to welcome your child into the world and into your family.
Our society has convinced us that doctors deliver babies, and that we need their help to get the baby out, as though we are helpless and incapable. And we have been taught to believe and trust doctors, and that they know what they are doing so we should do what they say. I want you to know that childbirth can and should be your domain, not that of the doctors or even the midwives, and that the implementation of medical procedures should only ever be used in real emergency situations.
While there is a place for medical intervention in genuine emergency situations, my problem with the medical establishment as far as childbirth goes is that rather than tell people how their body works in childbirth and how to help it along and not to hinder its efforts, often all they do is explain the stages of childbirth and tell us about the drugs and procedures available to us. This is really not very helpful. What it does is give the strong impression that the birth will hurt too much and be too hard work for us to manage ourselves and probably something will go wrong and we will therefore require some form of mechanical, chemical or surgical assistance.
Pregnant women, I am writing to give you hope, and to empower you! Childbirth can be a great experience. Believe that! It will be painful to some degree, but it does not have to be scary or unbearable. It can be an empowering, joyful, exciting, even ecstatic experience, a great time of bonding with your husband and others you choose to have present, and a wonderful, gentle way to welcome your child into the world and into your family.
Our society has convinced us that doctors deliver babies, and that we need their help to get the baby out, as though we are helpless and incapable. And we have been taught to believe and trust doctors, and that they know what they are doing so we should do what they say. I want you to know that childbirth can and should be your domain, not that of the doctors or even the midwives, and that the implementation of medical procedures should only ever be used in real emergency situations.
While there is a place for medical intervention in genuine emergency situations, my problem with the medical establishment as far as childbirth goes is that rather than tell people how their body works in childbirth and how to help it along and not to hinder its efforts, often all they do is explain the stages of childbirth and tell us about the drugs and procedures available to us. This is really not very helpful. What it does is give the strong impression that the birth will hurt too much and be too hard work for us to manage ourselves and probably something will go wrong and we will therefore require some form of mechanical, chemical or surgical assistance.
A
Great Experience
Joyful
Birth
Also, the small role of doctors has been blown up
and made into a big role, the main role. The woman has the main role in
childbirth and she and her body should be orchestrating the birth, not the
doctor. Doctors should only ever be present in emergency situations.
The medicalisation of childbirth and the misinformation circulated regarding childbirth makes women fear it. They are not allowed or encouraged to expect anything more than a lot of pain and a live baby, followed by more pain and discomfort. It doesn’t have to be that way. I used to think that the secondary aim in childbirth (that of having a positive birth experience, after the primary aim of live baby and live mother) is neglected. I have since realised that in many cases a positive birth experience is not aimed for at all. It seems as though many women are not even aware that childbirth can be a positive experience. It seems that women think having the baby will be wonderful, but most don’t expect to be able to look back on the birth itself as an exhilarating, wonderful, empowering experience. Women expect pain, and most probably expect complications or the “need” for intervention. This a warped view of childbirth. It’s not a reflection of reality. It is a reflection of a distorted view of a natural and exciting process. Yes, there is some pain involved (although there are women who have given birth without pain with no drugs) but the complications are often only perceived, not genuine, problems and the interventions are frequently unnecessary.
With knowledge and coaching, strength and courage, and a healthy body, you can give birth without drugs or surgery. There is no need for doctors in childbirth unless the mother or baby truly is in danger. There are ways to avoid many complications. I think that in many cases there is more danger from the doctor’s knife and machinery than there is from childbirth. For instance, I wonder if people are aware that placing the mother on her back and strapping a fetal heart monitor onto her can actually cause in the baby the very distress which they are trying to detect. The system feeds itself.
Though the process itself is natural, the ability to give birth does not come naturally. There is a degree of skill involved, which comes with knowledge and coaching and which is generally not instinctual – or if it is instinctual, then we have so lost our ability and inclination to follow it that it might as well not be so. Childbirth also requires a good measure of courage. It is not for the faint-hearted. Unless you have been personally coached by Grantly Dick Reed, it will hurt to some degree.
Fathers, take control. Don’t hand over control to the doctors and watch (with clenched fists…?) while they cause your wife to scream and squeal. Listen to your heart. Note what you feel and ask yourself, why do I feel like something is wrong here? If you’re watching a doctor put something up into your wife and pull your baby out and it’s causing her more pain than she was already in and you’re feeling like you want to punch the man (or woman), there’s a reason for that. Act on it. (And no, I don’t mean punch them.) Protect your wife. Yes, PROTECT her. Know this - the doctors are not always right. And even if it comes to the point where some drastic procedure really is required, consider how that came to be the case. What went wrong? Maybe it was that the cervix just wasn’t opening up enough as it should. (Fear or tension could be a factor here, or a deficiency of some nutrients involved in muscular function. Or maybe the position the woman was in wasn’t allowing her body to open up as it should.) After the event be sure to consider how the birth unfolded and take steps to avoid the same problems occurring in future births. Before the birth learn all you can about how birth should progress, what helps it to progress normally and to identify problems, and learn to identify interventions that may lead to problems, so that you can decide what will and won’t be done to your wife.
Often women in labour, particularly for first births, say things like, “It hurts too much. Get that baby out. I don’t care how you do it, just get it out!” Don’t listen to her words, but her sentiments. And don’t let the doctor or midwife act on her words. Childbirth does hurt, specially first births. Regard those words as a plea for support and comfort, and a desire for the birth to end. Do not regard them as a genuine request for surgery. Many women, myself included, have said such things without any desire whatsoever for medical intervention. What we want is help.
So what’s the kind of help a birthing woman needs? What can she do to make the task easier and her efforts more effective? And what can the couple do to make the whole birth experience memorable in a positive, joyful way? Let me share with you some thoughts I have had and things I have learned over my child-bearing years that may help you. I will also share with you some of my personal experiences, including my wonderful third birth. Yes, that birth was wonderful. I do remember a couple of ouchy bits, but most of my third labour was fun – yes, fun! – and I look back on it with much joy. You can do the same.
The medicalisation of childbirth and the misinformation circulated regarding childbirth makes women fear it. They are not allowed or encouraged to expect anything more than a lot of pain and a live baby, followed by more pain and discomfort. It doesn’t have to be that way. I used to think that the secondary aim in childbirth (that of having a positive birth experience, after the primary aim of live baby and live mother) is neglected. I have since realised that in many cases a positive birth experience is not aimed for at all. It seems as though many women are not even aware that childbirth can be a positive experience. It seems that women think having the baby will be wonderful, but most don’t expect to be able to look back on the birth itself as an exhilarating, wonderful, empowering experience. Women expect pain, and most probably expect complications or the “need” for intervention. This a warped view of childbirth. It’s not a reflection of reality. It is a reflection of a distorted view of a natural and exciting process. Yes, there is some pain involved (although there are women who have given birth without pain with no drugs) but the complications are often only perceived, not genuine, problems and the interventions are frequently unnecessary.
With knowledge and coaching, strength and courage, and a healthy body, you can give birth without drugs or surgery. There is no need for doctors in childbirth unless the mother or baby truly is in danger. There are ways to avoid many complications. I think that in many cases there is more danger from the doctor’s knife and machinery than there is from childbirth. For instance, I wonder if people are aware that placing the mother on her back and strapping a fetal heart monitor onto her can actually cause in the baby the very distress which they are trying to detect. The system feeds itself.
Though the process itself is natural, the ability to give birth does not come naturally. There is a degree of skill involved, which comes with knowledge and coaching and which is generally not instinctual – or if it is instinctual, then we have so lost our ability and inclination to follow it that it might as well not be so. Childbirth also requires a good measure of courage. It is not for the faint-hearted. Unless you have been personally coached by Grantly Dick Reed, it will hurt to some degree.
Fathers, take control. Don’t hand over control to the doctors and watch (with clenched fists…?) while they cause your wife to scream and squeal. Listen to your heart. Note what you feel and ask yourself, why do I feel like something is wrong here? If you’re watching a doctor put something up into your wife and pull your baby out and it’s causing her more pain than she was already in and you’re feeling like you want to punch the man (or woman), there’s a reason for that. Act on it. (And no, I don’t mean punch them.) Protect your wife. Yes, PROTECT her. Know this - the doctors are not always right. And even if it comes to the point where some drastic procedure really is required, consider how that came to be the case. What went wrong? Maybe it was that the cervix just wasn’t opening up enough as it should. (Fear or tension could be a factor here, or a deficiency of some nutrients involved in muscular function. Or maybe the position the woman was in wasn’t allowing her body to open up as it should.) After the event be sure to consider how the birth unfolded and take steps to avoid the same problems occurring in future births. Before the birth learn all you can about how birth should progress, what helps it to progress normally and to identify problems, and learn to identify interventions that may lead to problems, so that you can decide what will and won’t be done to your wife.
Often women in labour, particularly for first births, say things like, “It hurts too much. Get that baby out. I don’t care how you do it, just get it out!” Don’t listen to her words, but her sentiments. And don’t let the doctor or midwife act on her words. Childbirth does hurt, specially first births. Regard those words as a plea for support and comfort, and a desire for the birth to end. Do not regard them as a genuine request for surgery. Many women, myself included, have said such things without any desire whatsoever for medical intervention. What we want is help.
So what’s the kind of help a birthing woman needs? What can she do to make the task easier and her efforts more effective? And what can the couple do to make the whole birth experience memorable in a positive, joyful way? Let me share with you some thoughts I have had and things I have learned over my child-bearing years that may help you. I will also share with you some of my personal experiences, including my wonderful third birth. Yes, that birth was wonderful. I do remember a couple of ouchy bits, but most of my third labour was fun – yes, fun! – and I look back on it with much joy. You can do the same.