Joyful
Birth
The birth of my
first baby was not a good experience. I didn’t know what to expect, and I had
not been told about deep breathing for pain management or any other such helpful
hints. I ended up with a couple of doses of pethodine, an episiotomy which later
became infected, a great deal of pain, and a threat from possibly the worst
midwife in Victoria that she’d cut me again if I didn’t push harder. Not good
coaching. People talk about feeling violated after childbirth when unpleasant
things have been done to them. I did, and I had been made to feel like I was too
weak to push a baby out on my own when she told me to push harder and threatened
another cut. It wasn’t until the accomplishment of my next birth that I finally
felt a sense that I was indeed capable of giving birth, and that I could finally
put those horrible feelings I’d had for over a year and a half behind
me.
When I became pregnant the second time I decided to find out what I could about what happens in childbirth and how I could make it easier for myself so I could do it without excessive pain and without drugs. The only video I could find at the library where I looked was about homebirths, and talked about the teachings and methods of Grantly Dick Read. It was extremely useful. I was determined not to use any drugs and at the hospital as soon as we got there a midwife suggested I hop under a hot shower. We decided not to, but after a short while things became intense and I decided to see if it would help. It did. After another four hours baby number two was born, no drugs, no cuts. My husband and I were excited and felt like we’d had a great victory. But several months down the track I began to think that the shower had been my compensation and I again felt a nagging sense that I hadn’t been able to cope on my own without assistance.
When I became pregnant the second time I decided to find out what I could about what happens in childbirth and how I could make it easier for myself so I could do it without excessive pain and without drugs. The only video I could find at the library where I looked was about homebirths, and talked about the teachings and methods of Grantly Dick Read. It was extremely useful. I was determined not to use any drugs and at the hospital as soon as we got there a midwife suggested I hop under a hot shower. We decided not to, but after a short while things became intense and I decided to see if it would help. It did. After another four hours baby number two was born, no drugs, no cuts. My husband and I were excited and felt like we’d had a great victory. But several months down the track I began to think that the shower had been my compensation and I again felt a nagging sense that I hadn’t been able to cope on my own without assistance.
Having seen the video
on homebirths, and having previously considered the idea, when I was pregnant
with my third child we decided I would give birth at home. The following is what
I wrote after that birth. I include it here to encourage you. The difference
between my third birth and my first is huge. Knowledge and courage made the
difference, and being in an unthreatening environment with people I trusted.
Note that we had asked a local midwife to be present at the birth, just in case,
but she decided not to come because she said she did not want the responsibility
that it would entail. In the end I was glad to have not had the pressure of
having someone else there who I did not know well. I’m sure I’d have felt a
degree of anxiety having her present that was not felt without any medical
people about.
19-2-2005
What a birth! Two months after the event I feel really good about Nadia’s birth. And I’m very pleased that we did end up having her at home and that there was no midwife present.
Sharon [my sister] was a great help. She was encouraging, she rubbed my back when Patrick [my husband] was otherwise occupied, and she reminded us or told us things throughout which we had forgotten or just didn’t think of at the time. It was not awkward or uncomfortable having her here and I am thoroughly pleased that she could be a part of the whole experience. And I am excited that she could share the joy and excitement of it all. We have enjoyed talking about the birth and how it went and different aspects of it over and over. It’s lovely to have shared such an experience with my sister.
Due date December 6, born December 7, 2004, 11:56pm. I was woken by contractions at 3am and 3:15am and started wondering if labour had started when I was wakened fully by another contraction at 3:30. I didn’t wake Patrick straight away, but waited a couple more hours until I was sure that labour had really begun. After that I think we spent the next few hours wondering when we should call Sharon. I think we called her fairly early in the day so she could make arrangements and be prepared to come over when things started to pick up a bit more. As it happened, the contractions slowed down during the day and we began to wonder if Nadia would perhaps not be born that day. However, Sharon had decided she would come over about 6:00 and we’d see how it was going, and wait. Well, Sharon was here a little later than 6:00 [with her ten month old daughter], which was fine, and contractions started becoming more intense and more regular at about 6-6:30, at which point we started noting times of contractions. It was definitely happening.
We had a fairly casual evening. The girls knew that the baby would be here in the morning and were excited about it, and were not at all distressed by mummy having “corractions”. And Patrick and Sharon played chequers on the coffee table and stopped during contractions while Patrick rubbed my back. It was really quite an enjoyable evening, laid back but also quietly exciting for the first few hours, as well as being a little frustrating, really, because it was all taking so long. This is my main lesson learnt from this birth: be patient. The timing was great in the end because the girls were asleep (finally) so Sharon could be with us rather than having to keep the children out of our hair and to look after them. They went to bed quite late – having a visitor and the excitement of the baby coming – then Kayla couldn’t sleep. She was too excited to sleep. She did finally go to sleep at about 10:00 which left us able to have the baby without the concern of young children being around.
The lesson – be patient, trust God’s timing and wait for my body and the baby to do what they needed to do. We suspected that Nadia’s back was against my back because I could feel her kicking the front of my tummy. So to come out the easier, preferred way she needed to turn. Had the waters broken too soon I think it would have been more difficult, if not impossible, for Nadia to have turned around. So I should not have been frustrated wanting the waters to break sooner because then Nadia might not have been able to turn around.
If she was back to back that would explain why contractions hurt more than I expected them to. It would also explain why the labour took so long – posterior births tend to take longer (and be more painful) and if she hadn’t turned yet and consequentially wasn’t down far enough perhaps there wasn’t enough pressure on the membrane to burst it. Or maybe it was God intervening making the birth happen only after the two girls were both asleep. Who knows…
I must grow tough membranes. In the three births the waters broke about two hours before the birth, about one hour I think with the next birth, and only 13 minutes before Nadia came out.
So, Patrick and Sharon had won a game each of chequers and things were really heating up. I had been leaning on the couch in the lounge room, and at about 11:00 went into the kitchen (in my impatience) to see if standing learning on the table would help speed things up and maybe get my waters to break. We stopped noting the times of the contractions then.
I think during that time in the kitchen we all thought it was nearing the end but still thought Nadia would not be born before midnight. Standing did not seem to help much so eventually I decided to go back to the couch to see if relaxing fully supported would help. It did…
Back in the kitchen, Patrick had been keeping us cheerful (and entertained) by playing music like belly dancing music. Much to our own amusement we all did it. That really was a fun time despite being in intense labour. Patrick also did his best to get the baby to hurry up and come out by playing “Take the Pressure Down” and a few other songs with similar themes, again much to our amusement.
Back in the lounge room…I had had towels under me throughout the labour until I went into the kitchen but when I went back to the couch I neglected to put the towels on the couch where I then knelt, instead leaving them on the floor. So when the waters finally broke it went on the couch. Was easy to clean up, thankfully, and I did manage to slide down onto the towels fairly quickly so I think much of the mess went on them anyway. The contraction I had on the couch wasn’t quite strong enough to break the waters and it occurred to me in the middle of it that maybe if I pushed that might help. Well it did. I pushed, and the membranes broke with a funny little ‘pop’ which made me laugh. By the time I cleaned myself up a bit on the towels on the floor I realized that the bathroom was the place to be NOW because I was about ready to push. Sharon was by then also ushering me into the bathroom though she and Patrick both did not realize just how close we were to the end. As soon as I was in position leaning on a large pillow on the toilet and the next contraction started I told Patrick to take off my knickers. He didn’t so, thinking he might not have heard me, I urged him to take them off, quick. I was ready to push.
It’s remarkable how controlled one can be with a baby’s head sticking out of one’s body. I enjoy this part of childbirth, when it’s time to push, then wait, then push – the right way – easy now, slowly so as not to tear, now wait for the next contraction. It’s a thrill to be fully conscious and aware that I can be so controlled under those circumstances. If only I could in others...
So I love the pushing stage. I relish it. And I love when the baby comes out and it’s over. Oh, and hearing someone say, “I can see hair!” is one of the best things in the world, because it means the end is very near. What sweet words. What encouragement they give.
The placenta was huge! I had several more contractions before it was ready to come out. They were not painful, but were effective. The placenta came out without any problems, intact. The bleeding was not excessive with the birth or over the next six weeks. We felt the cord pulsating and waited a long time for it to stop before Patrick clamped and cut it. I shook a lot, worse and for longer than after the other two births I think. I was quite weak and tired and pale and rather haggard for about a week afterward, but it didn’t take long before I felt like I had recovered fully from the pregnancy and birth.
I feel very positive about this experience. I think I’m beginning to enjoy childbirth. Yes, it is painful. But I’m becoming good at it Bring it on!
19-2-2005
What a birth! Two months after the event I feel really good about Nadia’s birth. And I’m very pleased that we did end up having her at home and that there was no midwife present.
Sharon [my sister] was a great help. She was encouraging, she rubbed my back when Patrick [my husband] was otherwise occupied, and she reminded us or told us things throughout which we had forgotten or just didn’t think of at the time. It was not awkward or uncomfortable having her here and I am thoroughly pleased that she could be a part of the whole experience. And I am excited that she could share the joy and excitement of it all. We have enjoyed talking about the birth and how it went and different aspects of it over and over. It’s lovely to have shared such an experience with my sister.
Due date December 6, born December 7, 2004, 11:56pm. I was woken by contractions at 3am and 3:15am and started wondering if labour had started when I was wakened fully by another contraction at 3:30. I didn’t wake Patrick straight away, but waited a couple more hours until I was sure that labour had really begun. After that I think we spent the next few hours wondering when we should call Sharon. I think we called her fairly early in the day so she could make arrangements and be prepared to come over when things started to pick up a bit more. As it happened, the contractions slowed down during the day and we began to wonder if Nadia would perhaps not be born that day. However, Sharon had decided she would come over about 6:00 and we’d see how it was going, and wait. Well, Sharon was here a little later than 6:00 [with her ten month old daughter], which was fine, and contractions started becoming more intense and more regular at about 6-6:30, at which point we started noting times of contractions. It was definitely happening.
We had a fairly casual evening. The girls knew that the baby would be here in the morning and were excited about it, and were not at all distressed by mummy having “corractions”. And Patrick and Sharon played chequers on the coffee table and stopped during contractions while Patrick rubbed my back. It was really quite an enjoyable evening, laid back but also quietly exciting for the first few hours, as well as being a little frustrating, really, because it was all taking so long. This is my main lesson learnt from this birth: be patient. The timing was great in the end because the girls were asleep (finally) so Sharon could be with us rather than having to keep the children out of our hair and to look after them. They went to bed quite late – having a visitor and the excitement of the baby coming – then Kayla couldn’t sleep. She was too excited to sleep. She did finally go to sleep at about 10:00 which left us able to have the baby without the concern of young children being around.
The lesson – be patient, trust God’s timing and wait for my body and the baby to do what they needed to do. We suspected that Nadia’s back was against my back because I could feel her kicking the front of my tummy. So to come out the easier, preferred way she needed to turn. Had the waters broken too soon I think it would have been more difficult, if not impossible, for Nadia to have turned around. So I should not have been frustrated wanting the waters to break sooner because then Nadia might not have been able to turn around.
If she was back to back that would explain why contractions hurt more than I expected them to. It would also explain why the labour took so long – posterior births tend to take longer (and be more painful) and if she hadn’t turned yet and consequentially wasn’t down far enough perhaps there wasn’t enough pressure on the membrane to burst it. Or maybe it was God intervening making the birth happen only after the two girls were both asleep. Who knows…
I must grow tough membranes. In the three births the waters broke about two hours before the birth, about one hour I think with the next birth, and only 13 minutes before Nadia came out.
So, Patrick and Sharon had won a game each of chequers and things were really heating up. I had been leaning on the couch in the lounge room, and at about 11:00 went into the kitchen (in my impatience) to see if standing learning on the table would help speed things up and maybe get my waters to break. We stopped noting the times of the contractions then.
I think during that time in the kitchen we all thought it was nearing the end but still thought Nadia would not be born before midnight. Standing did not seem to help much so eventually I decided to go back to the couch to see if relaxing fully supported would help. It did…
Back in the kitchen, Patrick had been keeping us cheerful (and entertained) by playing music like belly dancing music. Much to our own amusement we all did it. That really was a fun time despite being in intense labour. Patrick also did his best to get the baby to hurry up and come out by playing “Take the Pressure Down” and a few other songs with similar themes, again much to our amusement.
Back in the lounge room…I had had towels under me throughout the labour until I went into the kitchen but when I went back to the couch I neglected to put the towels on the couch where I then knelt, instead leaving them on the floor. So when the waters finally broke it went on the couch. Was easy to clean up, thankfully, and I did manage to slide down onto the towels fairly quickly so I think much of the mess went on them anyway. The contraction I had on the couch wasn’t quite strong enough to break the waters and it occurred to me in the middle of it that maybe if I pushed that might help. Well it did. I pushed, and the membranes broke with a funny little ‘pop’ which made me laugh. By the time I cleaned myself up a bit on the towels on the floor I realized that the bathroom was the place to be NOW because I was about ready to push. Sharon was by then also ushering me into the bathroom though she and Patrick both did not realize just how close we were to the end. As soon as I was in position leaning on a large pillow on the toilet and the next contraction started I told Patrick to take off my knickers. He didn’t so, thinking he might not have heard me, I urged him to take them off, quick. I was ready to push.
It’s remarkable how controlled one can be with a baby’s head sticking out of one’s body. I enjoy this part of childbirth, when it’s time to push, then wait, then push – the right way – easy now, slowly so as not to tear, now wait for the next contraction. It’s a thrill to be fully conscious and aware that I can be so controlled under those circumstances. If only I could in others...
So I love the pushing stage. I relish it. And I love when the baby comes out and it’s over. Oh, and hearing someone say, “I can see hair!” is one of the best things in the world, because it means the end is very near. What sweet words. What encouragement they give.
The placenta was huge! I had several more contractions before it was ready to come out. They were not painful, but were effective. The placenta came out without any problems, intact. The bleeding was not excessive with the birth or over the next six weeks. We felt the cord pulsating and waited a long time for it to stop before Patrick clamped and cut it. I shook a lot, worse and for longer than after the other two births I think. I was quite weak and tired and pale and rather haggard for about a week afterward, but it didn’t take long before I felt like I had recovered fully from the pregnancy and birth.
I feel very positive about this experience. I think I’m beginning to enjoy childbirth. Yes, it is painful. But I’m becoming good at it Bring it on!
My
Birth Experiences
Joyful
Birth
